The Validation Trap: Why Enjoying Validation Isn't The Same As Needing It

The Validation Trap: Why Enjoying Validation Isn't The Same As Needing It

We all seek validation. We all enjoy it.

Let's be honest - it feels good when someone compliments us, likes our posts, or tells us we're doing a great job. And that's perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with that - we're all human, we all love it.

But here's the critical difference that changes everything: There's a massive gap between enjoying validation and needing validation.

- Enjoying validation brings you joy

- Needing validation brings dependency

Look at it this way:

Picture two men. One is staring at his phone, desperately hoping she'll text back. The other? He just doesn't give a damn. Which one are you?

The Self-Love Scale

Here's what I've learned after working with hundreds of men: How you respond to validation comes down to one thing - how much you love yourself.

Think of self-love on a scale of 0 to 10.

When we don't love ourselves completely, we create a gap - a void we desperately try to fill with validation from other people.

- If you love yourself at a 7

- You're constantly seeking those extra 3 points from somewhere else

- That "somewhere else" becomes an addiction to external validation

The Family Connection

Here's where it often starts - our earliest relationships. Imagine growing up with a parent who only loves themselves at a 5, while you naturally develop into a person who loves themselves at an 8.

Those missing three points? They create constant tension - a void you're unconsciously trying to fill.

The Harsh Reality:

When you're surrounded by family members who don't fully love themselves, they unconsciously try to pull you down to their level. It's not malicious - it's their own insecurity speaking.

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What This Looks Like in Relationships

Let's break this down for both men and women:

For Men:

Imagine a man loving himself at a 6 trying to date a partner who loves herself at a 9. There's a constant void. This is where I get hammered, especially by women, when I say: "No one can love you more than you love yourself" (maybe Jesus).

Here's why: If I only love myself at a 6 and enter a relationship with someone who loves themselves at a 9:

- They try to love me at a 9

- I can only love back at a 6

- They're left with this huge void

- They'll never be happy with that (and why should they?)

Men who are addicted to validation become womanizers. These are men who:

- Start relationships simply to fill that 6-to-10 void

- Have no real masculine purpose in life

- Live like Peter Pan

- Are easily manipulated when the sex is amazing

For Women:

This is especially crucial when the father isn't in the picture. These women:

- Can't recognize healthy masculinity

- Can't differentiate between protective and controlling behavior

- Might be attracted to toxic masculinity

- Base everything on fear

The Self-Sabotaging Cycle

When you enter a relationship loving yourself at a 6 while your partner operates at a 9, it's like speaking two different languages of love.

Think about this: When someone who loves themselves at a 9 tries to pour love into someone at a 6, something fascinating happens - that love literally goes right over their head. It's like trying to fill a cup that's convinced it has a hole in the bottom.

Breaking Free: The Path Forward

So how do you break this cycle? Here's where accountability comes in:

- Stop blaming other people

- Accept that your family isn't perfect

- Understand that no one is perfect (just like this word "perfect" is misspelled)

- Welcome problems as opportunities for growth

The Solution Path:

1. Consider my Men's Relationship Blueprint program where we address these exact challenges

2. Explore spiritual growth

- Prayer and spiritual connection

- Focus on internal energy and growth

3. Take practical steps:

- Go to the gym

- Start healthy eating habits

- Find the happiest person you know and spend time with them

- Raise your self-love level

The Result?

When you start to love yourself more, you naturally:

- Attract others who love themselves more

- Recognize healthy relationships

- Focus on healing, not negativity

- Share compassion and empathy

- Think about the future, not just immediate needs

Ready to Take Action?

I've created a simple Self-Love Assessment that takes about 5 minutes to complete. It's pen and paper, real questions that help you figure out:

- Your current love level

- Whether you're repeating harmful patterns

- If you feel empty when alone

Download the assessment using the link below. Let's start your journey to true self-love today.

[Download Self-Love Assessment Here]

Want to dig deeper? Hit reply and let's have a real conversation about where you are and where you want to be.

Peace be with you,

Michael

P.S. Remember, this journey isn't about being perfect - it's about being real with yourself and taking that first step toward change.